Here is my list of the 10 Worst Christmas movies of all time. I have only included movies I saw. Feel free to disagree.

10. The Santa Clause 3

The first movie was funny and innovative (even though Tim Allen kills Santa). Like many sequels, The Santa Clause 2 and this one fell way (Martin) short.

9. Black Christmas

A horror movie set at Christmas? C’mon.

8. Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

The 40-year-old animated version was fun and had a positive message. This one with Jim Carrey was pointless and mean.

7. Jack Frost

Michael Keaton gets killed at the start of this movie - how’s that for Christmas warmth? After being a lousy father, he gets reincarnated as a snowman (who can’t survive warm weather). Gee whiz.

6. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

I will watch reruns of this movie because it has some really funny scenes with Chevy Chase. But the people who brought us Animal House should stay away from a theme as sentimental as Christmas.

5. Christmas With the Kranks

I will not watch reruns of this dog. Jamie Lee Curtis and Tim Allen turn Christmas into a major decoration war with their neighbors. Yes, Tim, this shows the real spirit of Christmas.

4. Surviving Christmas

Low-talented Ben Affleck afflicted viewers with story of an obnoxious loser who has to hire a family to take him in at Christmas pretend he is one of their own. By the way, the family he hires stars James Gandolfini, the godfather from The Sopranos.

3. To Grandmother’s House We Go

The Olson Twins get kidnapped on the way to Christmas at Grandma’s. The acting skill level here is unique, in a bad sense.

2. Bad Santa (1988)

I didn’t see this but I didn’t have to see it to know it is a loser. This has a vulgar, fornicating Santa who commits armed robbery.

1. Star Wars Christmas Special (Happy Life Day)

This was so bad that it only aired once (thank goodness). There is a clip on youtube.com. In it, a host of wookies dressed in red robes gather at the “tree of life” to celebrate “love for each other” while Princess Leia sings a “holiday carol” to the tune of the theme of Star Wars. This was a television special but it had all the stars from the first three films.

Okay, I know there are some really bad ones left off the list. Here is my list of the 10 best Christmas movies.

10.The Preacher’s Wife

Whitney Houston is visited by an angel who is trying to help a family cope with adversity.

9. The Muppet Christmas Carol

Muppet characters blend in with the classic Christmas tale.

8. Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)

The late Charles Schultz knew the real meaning of Christmas, the birth of Jesus, and he blended fun and uncommon insight into this classic (seen on television).

7. Scrooged

Bill Murray and Bobcat Goldthwait in a Christmas movie? It’s pretty corny but it is a unique look at Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. You have to like Murray to watch this one over and over.

6. Elf

Believe it or not, Will Ferrell made a wonderful movie with no sex or obscenity. Bob Newhart as Papa Elf is the icing on the fruitcake in this comedy.

5. Miracle on 34th Street (1947)

Santa goes to court to prove that he is who he says he is and that he is not crazy. This is a very sentimental film, even though Santa is rescued by postal workers.

4. Home Alone

Macaulay Culkin stars as a young sibling who gets left behind when the family takes off for a Christmas vacation. His creative solutions to survival and his defense of the onslaught of the two crooks make this an easy film to watch. But the movie hits home when the young boy has a visit in the church on Christmas Eve with his “evil old neighbor” who is not evil but is anxious to reunite with his estranged family - just like Kevin. The two sequels went over the top with cartoon violence.

3. A Christmas Story

Ralphie wants a Red Ryder BB gun for Christmas - even though it might put his eye out. For those of us born in the 1950s, this is a charming look back at life in postwar America at Christmas.

2. It’s a Wonderful Life

Jimmy Stewart is a wonderful guy who runs into trouble and gets an education from an angel named Clarence. The last scene is a guaranteed tear-jerker. Ring that bell.

1. White Christmas

Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye star in this classic along with Rosemary Clooney and Vera Allen. Bing sings White Christmas - once the most popular song in America. Unlike Holiday Inn, White Christmas is in color. There are a couple of goofy songs and dances but there is a wonderfully sentimental theme and Bing and Danny Kaye had a warm chemistry. Great songs, great writing and great personalities.

• A man was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands.

He grabbed the man by the hand and pulled him aside. __The Pastor said to him, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!”

The man replied, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.”

The Pastor questioned, “How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter?”

He whispered back, “I’m in the secret service.”

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For sale: A quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

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Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 10th, 2009 and is filed under Columns.